latest dream ft. you

Dec 28 2015 

I dreamt that I was kissing someone else and they were just as good a kisser as you, if not better. I woke up happy.
You’re not so special. 

That same night as I fell asleep, I imagined us in a tree house holding each other and I missed you terribly, it wasn’t about anything else, just us. 

Flying over the desert (for the first time) 

Sept 11 2015

For the same reasons I love the moon and the sea

The deserts vast baroness could consume me with its emptiness

It is unforgiving

And I am just a speck

Another, albeit larger, piece of sand just passing through

Unforgiving and unliveable

I want to spend the rest of my days here

Proving myself

Proving the more human side of my existence

Stripped away of my personality and quirks

The desert will reform me

Just like the ocean

And just like the moon

I am fated to live elsewhere and long for the emptiness only they can provide

The emptiness that my heart

And my soul

Relate to more than I welcome

Thoughts after my first breakup (my letters to you, never sent) 

Excerpts from Oct 30 to Dec 15 2015 

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, so why the fuck did I fly to the other side of the world. 

I want some proof that you weren’t lying when you said you were gonna be thinking of me and that you missed me already. I wanna know that you have been thinking about me because otherwise I’m just a fool for being such a fool for you. I guess that’s what I wanted though, to be a fool. I’m such a fool. 

I asked you what this means and you said you didn’t know, do you still not know? Because I’m still asking… 

What I regret the most is telling you I loved you when I didn’t… 

I still like you but I don’t miss you. I don’t know what that means.

We have good memories, but I’m selfish and I want to make more of them with you. 

You were the first and therefore the best and worst and everything in between and more. I loved you and I hated you and I needed you and I despised your company. I have little to compare you to, but I don’t feel like I need a ruler to measure against. I just want you. For now at least. Just us. For now. At the least…