Thoughts after you left that still hurt me now 

November- January 2015/16 

It’s like we never even met, I’m home and you’re at your home and it’s like we never spoke or touched or looked at each other. That kinda hurts. I miss the way you would always trace things on my legs or shoulders. It made me so calm. But none of that ever happened right? 

I’m still so into you. Someone wanted to kiss me today, I only thought of you. Of kissing you instead and what you would have thought of me if you knew someone else asked me and how no one is gonna kiss me like you did. 

I don’t know how I’m meant to talk to you now. You aren’t my friend (right?), you’re my ex. You’re someone I thought I could fall in love with. Someone I kissed and loved and wanted to be with all the time. 

My biggest mistake was telling people and thinking that we would last when it became pretty apparent pretty early that we weren’t on the same page 

I hate you so much. I don’t hate you, but I hate that I ever met you. I don’t hate that either, not really, but fuck you man, fuck you so hard. Why did I ever have to meet you? I didn’t ask to, I didn’t want to. This year was such a fucking fuck up and you were the cherry on top. I’m so angry that I gave you any power in my life. Fuck you man, I thought I could love you. I thought I might love you. I wanted to love you. I trusted you so much and I lost so much confidence for you, because I figured I wouldn’t need it anymore. I wanted you and you had other plans. 

I had a dream that we were kissing in my parents bedroom but you weren’t that good anymore. Maybe it was just that you didn’t want to kiss me anymore.

I dreamt about you last night. I went to help you fall asleep and I lay over you to kiss your cheek and say soothing words, but you told me no. You said “don’t”. It hurt in the dream and it’s hurt me all day. I can’t be yours anymore