vulnerable/ no protection

I realised yesterday that no matter what

how educated or where i go to school

how old

how pretty or ugly

how strong mentally or physically

i become

i will always be a woman

and i will therefore




nothing can protect me

and i realised that i had been fooling myself into thinking that i could escape it

it felt like i’d been d e f l a t e d

like the wall i thought i was building was just blown over

nothing i was doing was ever going to protect me

i’m scared and i’m angry

but mostly i’m vulnerable

what else can i do?


relapse/ go on

look at your mental health like a drug addiction


when you finally get better, you try to do everything someone who’s better should be able to do

but then you fall

you get overwhelmed and you collapse and you’re worse than when you started

so then you try again

and the same shit happens

your brain is wired to be that way

unless you change the wiring and take is super slowly you’re gonna keep relapsing

i keep reading these yoga fitness peoples instagrams’ where they tell me to change my point of view

just think that you can do it and you will instantly feel better

i’ve been trying

repeating their mantras and trying to think deeply about them

but it hasn’t worked and its made me feel worse

“i cant go on, go on”

fuck off

i know that already

what i don’t seem to know is how to be happy

how to maintain calm

how to value my worth and give myself a break

I’ve been going on for years and I’m actively working to get better but that doesn’t mean I wont fall

To think that this phrase changed their life makes me feel like I must just be weak

How can I be weak when I’ve survived so much?

I think I need to spend less time on instagram